Reasoning with the child and explaining why he should do this or that can help the given order to be fulfilled. 'I'm going mom', 'wait a while', 'I forgot', 'later I do'. Do you hear any of these phrases? They are common responses that children give their parents when they do not want to fulfill an order. That the children do not follow the orders that their parents give them is a frequent and daily situation that, at times, creates a familiar atmosphere characterized by shouting, fights, and bad faces.
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Why do they do it?
Sometimes, parents are aware of their children only when they behave inadequately.
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It is very possible that the children refuse to fulfill their demands, because they are the only moments in which they can get their attention, even if it is to scold or punish them, says Germán Montalvo, pediatrician.
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However, they may also not listen to what they have been asked because they are distracted in another activity, they receive too many orders at once, they do not understand what is being sent to them, they know that the parents repeat the indication several times, before he do them, etc.
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What to do to make them obey?
The advisable thing is to teach to the small one since it is a new born, at the moment of putting the schedules to him to eat, affirms Montalvo, that is a form to discipline it.
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For Homero Mena, a family therapist, on the other hand, it is necessary to teach obedience within an atmosphere of love.
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Because when children feel loved by their parents, they receive every mandate with attention and pleasure.
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On the contrary, when a child does not feel loved and accepted by his parents, he rebels against the order that he gives him, there is a rejection and he tries to do the opposite of what is asked of him.
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On the other hand, Joane Campbell, family therapist, says that children should know that if dad or mom put a limit or prohibit this or that thing, it will always be accompanied by a reason.
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If this does not happen, the child may think that it is a pleasure of the parents or that the father or mother are bad people, and that is not the case.
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Hence, it is important that there is good communication.
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The stages
During the first two years of life, it is almost impossible for him to get his son to obey him, because they still do not understand what this means.
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From 4 to 5 years, you can already have a dialogue on aspects such as: 'do not go near the dog, I could bite you and you will hurt' or 'be careful not to put your fingers in the socket, you will hurt yourself '
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So, the kids will understand that if they do not obey dad or mom, that can cause them harm.
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With the older ones (6 to 8 years) the dialogue is fundamental and it is time to inform them that if they do not comply with an order, this will bring a consequence that may include a penalty on something to which they are very attached, says Campbell.
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And if they do not obey me?
Even if you are angry with your child, explain clearly and with serenity the advantages of obeying him. Discuss and discuss with him/her the consequences of their behavior.
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Believe it or not, this can help the next time he thinks before he does not obey, recommends Homero Mena.
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If after this conversation you insist on your behavior and ignore it and you feel out of your way, leave the place where you are, take a deep breath, come back and give it a spank. Do not overdo the punishment, you may regret it later, says Campbell.
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Straight to the point
Fulfill what is offered, be it punishment or reward
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It is valuable for parents to reach agreements about what limits they want for their children and, in addition, because they want them to do this or that. Depending on the age of the child you have to explain why they should not do it. That will help the kids understand the importance of obedience.
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In addition, it is necessary that they comply with what they offer, be it a reward or a punishment, so that the children will know that any act they do or fail to do brings a consequence.
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Joane Campbel Family doctor
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Know how your child develops, it will be useful
. Disciplining is not hitting, it is putting limits on things. For this we must understand the stages of emotional development that children go through. Parents have an obligation to learn these things to be better educators. Parents should take time to read not only how their children develop physically but emotionally. Know that who triumphs in life is one who knows how to master their emotions and has a high emotional quotient, not intellectual.
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Mother Taking Care of Sick Daughter – Image by © Royalty-Free/Corbis
TIPS THAT WILL HELP YOUR CHILD MEET WHAT YOU ASK FOR
Make sure that what you ask your child to do can be done. Otherwise, it should help you fulfill that request.
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Try to always be clear about the positive and negative consequences of your obedience or disobedience.
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Accept it from the beginning to not repeat the order more than once and never finish doing it yourself.
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Give simple, understandable and reasonable instructions for their age. Also, make sure you understand the request by making it repeat.
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Give few instructions and tell them one by one. Never give the next request until you have met the first. Keep in mind that children under the age of five are not able to understand more than three requests at a time. Example: throw this in the trash, then pick up your doll.
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Offer two options that will lead to the same result. Choose one of them instead of giving orders or asking questions. For example: instead of saying "go brush your teeth" or ask "do you want to brush your teeth?", Plant the following option: "Are you going to brush your teeth alone or do you prefer to be with you?"
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Use a pleasant tone of voice, better if you put yourself at the height of your child and look him in the eye, make sure he looks at it too.
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It is important that you explain to your child the reasons why you are asked or prohibited from doing something. This information should be appropriate for the child's age.
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Establish schedules, that will help your child obey. The fact of having to do the same thing every day and at the same time (throw the clothes, take them later to wash, pick up the table, etc.). Cooperation will end up becoming a habit and insurance will not cost you to comply when you ask.
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It is valuable that when he fulfills the order he asked, praise and praise his behavior, congratulate him, hug him and tell him how happy he is for what he did, that will encourage him to repeat that behavior.
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The consequences that will follow disobedience must be clearly established beforehand. You can withdraw a privilege every time you do not meet a requirement. For example, if you do not pick up your toys, you will not go out to the playground to play with your friends.
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LIMITS
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Children need limits from a young age, if the infant is less than 2 years old and has acquired the habit of attacking older siblings. The way to avoid repeating this behavior is to make him feel the same as his brother felt. This way, the child will understand that what he does is causing physical pain and surely he will not repeat it again.
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WHEN GIVING ORDERS
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It is not necessary to raise your voice or scream when you give your child an order. The important thing is to make sure that he or she has understood it. To check, tell them to repeat the order you made them. That is a way of knowing that they did understand it. Otherwise, repeat again, but without changing, that can influence the child.
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THE FAMILY MEETING
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It is important that the whole family meets to analyze each of the rules that will govern in the home. Dad, mom and children have to be heard and taken into account. Thus, everyone will know what to expect if they disobey some of these agreements. The valuable thing about these meetings is that everyone participates and thinks and they can also give suggestions that will be useful.
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AGREEMENTS BETWEEN PARENTS
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It is essential that mom and dad agree on the rules that are given inside the house and, above all, the consequences of non-compliance. For no reason can one of the spouses disapprove it in front of the children, this will detract from the authority. If you did not agree with the decision made by your partner, discuss it but in a place where the children are not.
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OLDER BROTHERS
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If you got your older children to obey you, you will not have a problem with the rest doing it. Remember that they are the example of the minors, so if they follow their instructions and comply with this behavior, this behavior will be imitated by the children. But if he did not manage to do it with the elders, it will be more difficult for him to do so with the minors.
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TO KNOW
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If your child does not want to do homework, tell him that it does not affect you, but the grades he will get at school and that if he brings a bad grade, he will pay attention to the consequences.
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The example is important, so if the child sees that his older siblings do not follow certain orders, do not expect him to comply.
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The rules that are given at home should be for everyone, thus privileges will be avoided.
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